"Crank" offers the worst in typical action

In its title screen sequence, "Crank" is introduced with a series of splashy video game and three-dimensional graphics culminating in a display of the movie's title in a font reminiscent of 1980s arcade favorite "Pac-Man."

If the directors were trying to make a subtle connection between video games and "Crank," they chose the wrong game. "Pac-Man"-esque, it is not. "Grand Theft Auto" on steroids would be a more apt fit.

The man set to take on the world in this particular case is a bald hitman named Chev Chelios, played by Jason Statham of the "Transporter" movies. After being drugged with a lethal "Chinese cocktail" by rival assassin Ricky Verona (Jose Pablo Cantillo), Chelios sets out on a last hurrah through the streets of Los Angeles, pulverizing every last thing, person and place standing in the way of him and Verona's crib. Verona and his crew give him just more than an hour to live, and Chelios uses everything within his grasp to keep his adrenaline pumping, which temporarily counteracts the effects of the poison.

Thus it is when Chelios' heartbeat comes to a lull that the fun begins. Frantic cocaine use, Red Bull chugging, nasal-spray abuse, hands-free motorcycle rides—even public sex with his girlfriend (Amy Smart) smack in the heart of Chinatown; such is just a sampling of the heart-starting measures Chelios takes to extend the time he has alive.

The troubling paradox of the film lies in the aftermath of these action scenes. The drowsy downtime after the brawlfests, combined with the film's lack of convincing acting or gripping plotlines kills whatever momentum Statham's Chelios had mustered. As for the remains? Just the film's anemic story. "Crank's" first-time writer/directors, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, are quick to show off Statham's stone cold gaze and superbly caustic attitude, but the end product doesn't offer much but a quick fix for certain attention-deficient minds.

Reminiscent of "Sin City," "Crank" draws inspiration for some of its graphic violence straight from the pages of Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller's noirish comic. The film also apes the graphic novel's surreal feel. Whenever Chelios experiences a heartbeat slowdown, the audience is treated to a short clip of just one of the film's bizarre creations: HeartVision. With it, they witness Chelios' virtual heart start and stutter like an old engine until it finally makes a return to normalcy. Unprompted subtitles and other word art shows up every other scene, leaving some viewers wondering whether they are actually watching a professional Hollywood production or a cartoon's sketchy translation to the big screen.

And that is what the film mostly boils down to: "Crank" delivers engrossing, unrealistic action only available and only enjoyable in the realm of the arcade. Granted, the pulsating action scenes present the occasional jaw dropper, but just as Chelios needs help when his heartbeat comes to a lull, so too does "Crank" when its fantastically silly scenes reach "Game Over." Too bad nobody pushed the reset button.

"Crank" (87 minutes, at area theaters) is rated R for strong violence, pervasive language, sexuality, nudity and drug use.