Ye olde school spirit

"Oh Eight!"

"Freshmen suck!"

Ah, the joyful sounds of school spirit. The crowds during the Homecoming football game on Oct. 13 simply ooze spirit and class unity. The game marked the end of Spirit Week, five days when it was impossible to set foot inside the school without wandering into big, exciting clouds of spirit. One week later, the football team ran onto the field to the sound of chirping crickets - not a fan in sight.

Fair-weather spirit is, frankly, despicable. School spirit is a round-the-clock job! Sadly, for the past 20 years, spirit has been on the decline - case in point, the poor attendance at football games. So it is time to look to our forbears, to see if what the hippies and swingers of the past did to get their spirit on just might work today.

Spirit parade

In the 1970s, Spirit Week at the old Blair featured a parade - the proverbial cherry atop the sundae of Spirit Week. The parade started in the parking lot of the Park and Planning Commission and wound down Wayne Avenue until it reached Blair's football field. Since the '70s were practically the Dark Ages, this March of Spirit would entice bystanders to participate in jousting and dancing around May poles, frivolities for which they rarely had time due to the long hours they spent toiling in the Silver Spring fields.

Perhaps it is time for some more X-treme spirit. Bring on the return of the parade! But this time, consider including:

1.) A minimum of two ambulances: Closing off Colesville Road for a school parade will not go over well with the multitudes of angry commuters who race down the street every day. Road rage is only to be expected.

2.) The inclusion of not only the current school mascot, but a mascot for every grade -one that really says something special about those students and their experience at Blair. For instance, the Freshman class mascot could be a giant trash can with a pair of legs sticking out the top.

3.) Clowns: Everybody likes clowns! Except for wimps and small children. And face it - by high school, teens should be able to face down Chuckles without wetting their pants.

Pep rally

Back in the day, the pep rally was not only focused on the football team, but also on two live rock bands to get Blazers pumped for the game. Is there any better (legal) way to get students excited?

Of course, this was in the '70s, when teens had no idea what real music sounded like. Classic rock has been replaced by artists like Britney Spears, Hilary Duff and Ashlee Simpson, whose popularity demonstrates that today's music is light years ahead of talentless Seventies bands like Aerosmith and The Doors. Get these newer artists to play at Homecoming and see the teachers exclaim with joy as students rush the floor and begin moshing and freak dancing. Now that is the high school experience!

The Homecoming game

Aside from on Homecoming, no one attends football games. So far, even bribery hasn't increased the dismal attendance rates; despite promises of food, drink, and maybe even a winning score. Perhaps it is time to turn to the past for guidance and welcome back the cross-dressing cheerleaders.

These female-impersonating men of mystery are not completely unheard of in this day and age, though their current obscurity pales in comparison to the exalted position they enjoyed back in 1960. To bring the myth to life in Blazer Stadium would increase attendance at games like the prospect of victory never could.

The only problem is that, nowadays, it is nearly impossible to find a boy willing to smear on some lipstick and slip on his mother's pumps who hasn't already run off to New York City. So, to remedy this problem, impose a Cross-Dressing Cheerleader Draft to force boys into the proud ranks of the bewigged and bra-stuffed to improve football game attendance.

While it is true that these changes could have strange and potentially violent consequences, think of the new dimension that genuine school spirit could add to the Homecoming week festivities. Trotting out to the field for a football game and watching boys totter uncomfortably around the field in their girlfriends' heels…nearly getting run over by an angry commuter during a march down Colesville Road…watching half of the school flee from a rabid Coco the Clown. Forget Pajama day! The future of Spirit Week is in the past!