Wreck the "third"

The Shrek franchise is a bit like a too-long dinner party plagued with self-denial. When it started, it was lovely. The guests were fascinating, the conversation was charming, and the cuisine was phenomenal. As the night wore on, the steak got cold and the witty banter died. And now, despite the fact that several people have passed out into their filet mignon, it persists, a dreadfully tiresome charade that wants to party all night long despite the fact that it doesn't have much left to celebrate.

Already the darling of weekend cinemagoers, "Shrek the Third" has gobbled up $122 million in its first week, smashing the franchise's previous record. Audiences all across the country filed in to observe the never-ending exploits of a curmudgeonly green ogre named Shrek (Mike Meyers), and his pep squad of cutesy sidekicks who wreak havoc in a world where fairy tales as we know them are turned upside down, inside out, sautéed with fresh bell peppers and covered in yogurt. Living in the Beverly Hills-like environment of "Far, Far Away," Shrek is having trouble adjusting to his new designation as substitute monarch, when his wife Fiona's (Cameron Diaz) father the frog king (played with relish by John Cleese who obviously enjoyed his license to croak) falls deathly ill.

The "plot" (the term is used in the loosest possible sense) patters on as Shrek attempts to evade his responsibilities by finding someone else to assume to throne. On his travels, he discovers a dreamy young lad named Plot Device, no, excuse me, Arthur "Artie" Pendragon (played by Justin "Sexyback" Timberlake), who is eligible. Spending far more time than necessary trying to reason with the obstinate lad, Shrek would have done better to dispense with the subtleties and roar at Artie in classic Shrek fashion, if only to move things along a bit.

Meanwhile, the scheming Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) who is suffering through a humiliating career in dinner theater plots a hostile takeover of the kingdom that he claims is rightfully his. Hamming and strutting his way into the castle, there's nothing charming about this one-note, irritating villain (which probably explains the dinner theater).

All of the actors reprising their roles know exactly what they're doing: Meyers is crusty but kindhearted, Diaz is sweet and supportive, and Eddie Murphy, as Shrek's semi-insane four legged cohort Donkey, is hyper and neurotic. But it is this excess of experience which leads to the downfall of the performances: there is none of the tentative spontaneity and freshness which made the first film absolute gold. We feel as though we are witnessing a stand-up routine that's been performed far too many times. Only Antonio Banderas as the formidable Puss In Boots is hilarious with his adorable zeal. In one scene, when surrounded by a litter of female cats, he moves effortlessly from one to the next, professing his enthusiasm with a Don Juanlike certainty. Now that is one smooth kitty.

Completing the cast of colorful characters are the sassy princesses Snow White (Amy Poehler), Rapunzel (Maya Rudolph), Cinderella (Amy Sedaris) and Sleeping Beauty (Cheri Oteri) who unleash their inner feminists and ditch the usual damsel-in-distress routine. It's a cute concept, the sort of thing the franchise delights in, but somehow it isn't fleshed out and yields a few predictable gags including the burning of a brassiere. Liberated women. We get it. But why must the ingenuity end there?

The movie does admittedly have a few high points: The animation is absolutely breathtaking, a visual smorgasbord of rich textures and shades. Shrek's nightmare about the prospects of becoming a father will cause some chuckles, and goodness me, those ogre babies are just precious. Despite the charms of a few isolated factors, however, there is a plodding sense of duty about the whole affair. The jokes don't flow freely; they're dragged out, kicking and screaming and there's nothing special about them. It's dreary, self-indulgent and snooze-inducing stuff.

It's unfortunate, really. It's difficult to evaluate a Shrek film without considering splendid first two, giving most sequels a disadvantage. And so, even if this film had been a fairly decent effort, it probably wouldn't ever measure up to its wonderful predecessors.

There is a particularly gratuitous sequence near the beginning of the "Shrek the Third" when the frog king lies on his deathbed, absolutely refusing to die. It's a strange, rather unnecessary scene. Still, in a roundabout, peculiar way, it highlights an undeniable truth about the whole experience: it adds another character to the running total of Icky Green Things That Are Waaaaay Past Their Expiration Dates But Insist on Sticking Around Anyway.

"Shrek the Third" is rated PG for some crude humor, suggestive content and swashbuckling action.