Viva la resolución!

Change. It's a buzzword word that's been on everyone's tongue for the past year. But if we are, as we've been told, "the change we've been waiting for," why wait any longer? New Year's resolutions provide a perfect opportunity for personal change, and we here at Silver Chips wanted to put the mantra to the test — for two whole weeks.

Neva's Resolutions

Thou shalt not lie

I am not a pathological liar. Then again, that's exactly what pathological liars say. The difference is that while pathological liars lie compulsively and uncontrollably, I lie compulsively and controllably. I guess Adelaide considered this to be a problem, and so she sentenced me to no lying for the New Year.

Eventually, I was able to stay relatively honest. Instead of lying, I found extremely clever ways of telling the truth. One technique I frequently employed (truth: occasionally) was to slightly alter my sentences to change the meaning. For instance, instead of saying, "of course you're my friend," I would say "of course you're a friend." Meaning maybe not my friend, but definitely somebody's friend. Abraham Lincoln would be proud (truth: I do not know that for a fact).

I guess this resolution forced me to see how often I really do lie which, to be honest, is not extremely often (truth: yes it is).

Thou shalt not abbreviate

I can't thank Adelaide enough for opening my eyes to this juvenile tendency, in which I take short words and abbreviate them for no apparent reason. Thank you, my dear friend. ha! Jk. Abrev. is gr8 and I still do it on the reg.

Thou shalt not eat animal products

I'm a strong believer that one can stay a friend of animals while chowing down on steak, hamburgers, chicken wings, fish sticks and/or pulled pork sandwiches. Adelaide, the conniving vegetarian she is, decided to exploit that belief and forced me to be vegan (a strict form of vegetarianism that prohibits the eating of any animal product including dairy, eggs and honey) for the first two weeks of the year.

Before midnight struck on New Year's Eve, I bid my beloved animal products goodbye by stuffing my face with every non-vegan food item I could get my hands on. New Year's Day however, was treacherous and by one in the morning I could not take it any more. I drove to the 24-hour McDonald's on University Blvd. and ordered four of the only vegan item on the menu: Baked Apple Pie. Then I ate them all in one sitting.

That was probably the all-time low of my stint as a vegan. I soon discovered the joys of chocolate soy milk, tofu, vegan cupcakes and the most amazing vegan chocolate chip cookies. And though I still dreamt of Doritos (that is not even a lie), the quarter-pounder, large fries and ice cream that I devoured on Jan. 15 were well worth the wait.

Adelaide's Resolutions

Thou shalt not chew gum

Since Neva hates gum (weirdo!) she decided to make me give up gum as one of my resolutions. I wouldn't label myself as one of those girls who is always smacking on a piece, but I usually do chew gum in school, if for no other reasons than to keep my breath fresh and my mouth occupied. Without gum to fall back on, things got pretty bad. Not only did I have to be much more wary of the status of my breath, but I ended up chewing on pens, pencils and basically anything I could find to help me cope with the void chewing gum left behind. However, I'm pleased to say I pulled through and never broke this resolution, despite misguidedly buying two packs on New Year's Eve only to remember a moment later that I would have no use for them for a couple weeks.

Thou shalt drink eight glasses of water a day

But lucky me, Neva had come up with another habit to occupy my mouth: drinking 64 oz. of water per day. Even though 64 oz. is approximately eight glasses of water, it felt like so much more. I bought a 2.2 liter water bottle that looks about the size of a small child and have been carrying around with me everywhere. Thanks to the bottle, I've managed to stick to this resolution pretty closely (and carrying a giant jug of water with me everywhere definitely improved my image). But unfortunately — and I apologize if I'm publishing too much information about my personal bodily functions in a school-wide newspaper — I had to go to the bathroom ALL OF THE TIME. While I'm still not absolutely sure whether this resolution actually made me a healthier person, I know I'll always be sure where the nearest bathroom is in Blair at all times.

Thou shalt not hate

Of all the resolutions I've had to abide by these last few weeks, the one I hated most was my moratorium on saying "I hate." Not only did I hate hate hate this resolution, I had the hardest time with it. It was a stupid idea in the first place. I had to keep a "hate tally" on my hand to note how many times I slipped up in a day, and for every hatred of mine I had to put a quarter in a jar (I've got about $10 set aside by now). Eventually I had to adjust by simply avoiding certain topics: homework, Miley Cyrus, my younger sister, the college application process, etc. Arguments with my parents were now reduced to "I really really really dislike you!!!" But I would be breaking one of Neva's resolutions — thou shalt not lie — if I didn't acknowledge that this did show me how negative I can be. I encourage any of you to try to keep your own hate jar. You'll be surprised how much you vocally hate things, and in the end you'll have money set aside to put to good use.

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