The duality of Dickie Roberts

The archives of E! True Hollywood Story are positively bursting with drug addled, emotionally unstable, washed-up child stars, all of whom grant television permission to humiliate them with one shining, desperate hope in mind: that this appearance, however brief, however pathetic, will be enough to rocket them back onto that spot on the Tinseltown A-list that they once enjoyed.

Enter Dickie Roberts, the former star of the faux hit sitcom the Glimmer Gang. Like Dickie himself, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star is aimless and haphazard—think four-year-old on speed, which could also describe Dickie's mentality (and vocabulary). However, despite Dickie Roberts's voyages into the inane and its seriously infantile dialogue, there's an endearing sort of charm that worms its way through, so that when the movie seems to be trying the least, it's working the most.

The fact that Adam Sandler produced Dickie Roberts may account for this split. Ever-present is the rampant crudity and graceless slapstick of Sandler's more commercially successful endeavors, like The Waterboy and Big Daddy. Yet the occasional scene, with its amiably clumsy affection, rings of Sandler's worthier offerings, including The Wedding Singer and Punch-Drunk Love. And then, of course, is the odd moment when something unexpectedly hilarious comes out of David Spade's mouth.

With a career that ended after he hit puberty and with more neuroses than Woody Allen, Dickie Roberts (Spade) is reduced to that ultimate platform of indignity: celebrity boxing. Fed up with his meaningless, terminally un-famous life as a parking valet, Dickie seeks help from his agent Sidney (Jon Lovitz) to land the comeback role of a lifetime in a new Rob Reiner film. Reiner (who appears as himself), however, doesn't feel that Dickie is emotionally equipped for the job, for he reasons that without a childhood, Dickie cannot be a normal adult.

Dickie turns to his support group of fellow former child stars, including Leif Garret, Barry Williams (Greg Brady of The Brady Bunch), Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved by the Bell) and everyone's favorite child of the ‘80s, Corey Feldman. The incessant cameo appearances by real child stars, usually as themselves, contributes to Dickie Robert's cheeky vibe, at least in its more coherent moments. They congregate for regular poker games and self-pity sessions, which, though heavy on the whining, are amusing in their pathetic ridiculousness. But while his compatriots digress about their days with limos and babes, Dickie has deeper motives in mind. "I just miss the love," he sighs, indicating that he, alone among the masses, is worthy of a comeback.

In order to become a normal human being, Dickie decides he must relive his childhood. He settles in with the Finneys, a suburban, upper-class archetype of distopia with the philandering father, hot-yet-repressed mother, and two socially defunct kids. At this point the film becomes disjointed and increasingly episodic. Director Sam Weisman is unable to find an emotional or visual thread to tie together Dickie's numerous adventures with the Finney children Sam (Scott Terra) and Sally (Jenna Boyd). Chaos reigns, and for a while the film is a bit like an endless secession of MTV's Jackass toned down for a PG-13 audience.

Dickie is also reduced to trading third-grade level insults with the kids and eventually strangers on the sidewalk. Sam calls him "stranger-danger." In retaliation, Dickie cleverly refers to him and his sister as "prude people." Most of the jokes are of similar quality and fall completely flat. Additionally, Spade's baby-talk isn't funny, just irritating. Spade is an actor who is perhaps best when his talents are confined to an animated form. He was hilarious as the voice of Kuzco, the smug, self-obsessed emperor-turned-llama in The Emperor's New Groove. In live-action Las Angeles, however, Spade cannot fall into alligator pits, swing through the jungle Tarzan-style, or sprout furry ears and a tail. With the absence of the physical silliness of animation his nasal delivery becomes somewhat grating.

Just when you've given up on Dickie Roberts, however, Dickie will do something so poignant and touching and for once unconsciously hilarious that you can't help the warm fuzzy feeling inside. For example, Dickie helps Sally choreograph a dance routine to perform a try-outs for the pep squad. Of course he dances along with her when she auditions. Later, Dickie again turns to the power of dance when he and Sam perform a dance number on stilts to help Sam impress the hot girl next door. Though this a clichéd concept, Spade and Terra's awkward flailing as they try to balance while getting their groove on will have you giggling from start to end.

Filled with sketchy characters and cameos from sketchier people, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star is a baffling movie experience. Fluctuating between the chronically juvenile and quirkily mature, what it really needs to do is just grow up.

Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star is rated PG-13 for language and crude references.