Teacher Crushes 101: Desire in the Classroom

Where only first names appear, names have been changed to protect the identities of the sources.

George, a senior, thinks his science teacher is kind of pretty. Actually, really pretty. Heck, downright hot. After all, she's the only reason he's taking her class.

He first saw her in the spring of last year — just as course registration cards were being passed out. "I saw this really hot-looking chick walking through the hallway," George recalls, "and someone was like, 'Dude, she's the hottest teacher ever.'" George asked around to find out what classes she taught and eventually added her science course to his schedule for next year. Had this particular teacher not taught the course, George says he definitely would not have signed up for it. "I totally hate science," he says.

With the recent flood of media attention on educator-instigated sexual abuse cases, the more common phenomenon of the student-teacher crush — for years a bastion of the adolescent experience, not to mention a favorite plot device on teen sitcoms — has been virtually ignored. Experts tend to dismiss such attractions, considering them shallow and transitory. To a large extent, they are, says clinical psychologist Sonja Williams.

But by choosing classes based on a teacher's looks, students like George are taking their crushes to a new level. Though most view the practice as a harmless way to add some fun to their schedule, some find that the crushes have a way of becoming more serious.

A "crushy-crush" in the classroom

Carly, a senior, falls into that latter category. At first, her attraction for her teacher was purely physical. She felt lucky to have been placed into his class for junior year, but didn't feel a real connection. "It was pretty much a little crushy-crush," she explains. "I just thought he was hot."

Looking to have a bit of fun in her senior year, Carly applied to be the teacher's student aide. She wasn't seeking a relationship, just an easy class with a good-looking teacher. As an aide, however, Carly witnesses a side of her teacher that is warmer, funnier and more intimate than the personality he presents to his classes, she says. The two often joke as they grade student papers and freely discuss their lives and relationships. "It's like we're peers," she says.

Close personal contact only intensified Carly's feelings. She warmed to her teacher's personality and began hoping for something to happen between them — a touch, a kiss, maybe even a date. At that point, she says, she knew her feelings were more than just a crush. "There's a difference between having a crush and liking someone," she explains. "You can have crushes on teachers, and that's normal. But if you actually like someone, you want something to happen and you're disappointed when it doesn't."

Unlike Carly, George says his attraction to his teacher is purely physical. "I don't feel any different about her than about any other random girl I come across," he says. "It's just the fact that she's much hotter."

In class, George says he doesn't find himself distracted by his teacher's looks. "I'll do stuff and glance around and maybe be like 'Oh yeah! There she is. She's hot,'" he says.

Some of George's classmates are not as reserved. His teacher recalls students giving her whistles or cat-calls in the hallways. She brushes it off. "It's just immature," she says. Once, she received an e-mail from a student telling her she was beautiful. She replied telling the student to never e-mail her again.

In actuality, she says, teachers are just looking to do their jobs. "[The students] are 15, 16 or 17, and I'm much older and not interested
interested — by any means — in dating a student," she says.

If Carly's and George's experiences represent two extremes, senior Danny Ratpojanakul's feelings for his science teacher fall somewhere in between. His crush, he says, is equal parts attraction and admiration.

Ratpojanakul maintains that he chose the teacher's class chiefly because he heard it was one of the easiest AP classes, but the teacher's looks
were, as he puts it, an "extra incentive." He also praises her personality, describing her as "one of the most beautiful people, both inside and out."
To Williams, who specializes in adolescent issues, the students' feelings are unhealthy but certainly not surprising. She worries, though, that such feelings will warp classroom dynamics, especially if students like George are taking the classes solely for their attraction.

But for Ratpojanakul, his teacher's looks actually help him concentrate. He says that her attractiveness prevents his mind from wandering. Still, like George, Ratpojanakul knows he's only half-serious. "You know how people feel about celebrities?" he says. "You don't want to marry them — you just think they're hot."

Furious, futile attraction

Carly was not satisfied with idle admiration. After she realized her feelings were intensifying, she tried to catch her teacher outside of school. When she heard that he had often been spotted in Downtown Silver Spring, she started to visit there more often in hopes of bumping into him. Knowing that he frequented a certain restaurant, she once begged a friend to go and scout it out.

On days when she is an aide for his class, Carly lets her hair down and dresses in Lacoste sweaters, polos and low-cut shirts. Her friends call these days "[teacher's last name]-days."

Though she may seem dedicated to winning him over, Carly is far from comfortable with her feelings for her teacher. When she tries to describe the nature of her crush, Carly locks up. "I'm pretty much —" she pauses for five, ten, then fifteen seconds, then sighs deeply, "— for lack of a better word, obsessed." At times she has called it lust or love, she can't decide which.

She thinks it could be love. When she doesn't have a good day with her teacher, Carly feels sullen and depressed. When she sees him talking to other girls, she feels jealous. In her journal, she likes to record choice quotes from their conversations. And she once told friends, "I'm in love with him, and if you deny it then you don't know what love is."

Nonetheless, Carly is unsure about the whole matter. "I know it's inappropriate. I know it's wrong. I know it's unhealthy," she says.
Carly is getting help. Her therapist reassures her that her feelings are natural. Taking her therapist's advice, she now believes that her teacher is partly to blame for not clearing up the boundaries of the relationship from the start. It doesn't help that she feels him flirting with her. A glance at her breasts. A remark laced with innuendo. Eye-contact held for a breath too long. She notices it all.

Part of her recognizes the transience of her feelings. "I think by the time I'm a sophomore in college, I'll be completely over him," she says firmly.
But in the meantime, Carly says she will keep at it, Lacoste sweater and all. It's a delicious little paradox that she's quite aware of: "I know I won't get with him," she says. "But I think I will."