SCO's guide to getting rid of college mail

Certain hallmark events characterize the average Blazer's life: getting stuck with that awful teacher, finding out the vending machines don't sell Snickers bars, admiring the Teddy bears on the disposable towels in P.E. and getting spammed by obscure colleges.

Thankfully, after long hours of extensive research, Silver Chips Online has devised a list of what to do with college mail.

Staple it to your bedroom wall"in decorative patterns
When your parents refuse to buy you that purple wallpaper with yellow polka dots, you can always resort to other ways of embellishing your walls. And since you happen to have an abundance of college mail, why not make the best of it? Try to channel your creative juices into an artful composition in your very own bedroom " make a star, a heart, a snowflake or a Donald Rumsfield. After all, don't colleges and schools promote creativity?

Sell it on eBay
In a world where it's possible to sell a cheating husband, cleavage advertising space or even Warcraft virtual gold on eBay, auctioning college mail should be a cinch. Somewhere out there there's a penguin sitting in front of a computer in Antarctica who's been deprived of mail his whole life. Imagine the joy he would feel in finally receiving a package full of spam!

Try to break a Guinness World Record
If you're going to receive unwanted propaganda, do it the proper way! Go the whole nine yards and reply to every college, expressing some sort of interest in their newly founded gunsmith program. Within no time, you'll be on your way to breaking the first "most college mail" world record!

Perform alchemy
Since medieval times, alchemists have attempted the transmutation of metals into gold. A sure way to launch into fame would be to discover a method that converts college mail into something more useful, such as diamond, silver or ketchup. And once that's out of the way, philosophers can spend time musing over the next mystery of life: how Teddy bears and A-B-C blocks ended up on high-schoolers' gym towels.

Forward the mail to your neighbor
Instead of waiting on your porch for the mailman, you can go to your local post office and change your address to that of your next-door neighbor's. Now sit back and watch your neighbor's excitement as he begins to believe that Harvard wants his six-year-old daughter!