Putting the ‘bad' in Sinbad

In the spirit of the great Hollywood sequelization, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas could easily have been Treasure Planet II: Jim Goes Fishing. And that is exactly what happens in Sinbad. True, the fish may be big, scary monsters from the deep instead of your average trout, but the level of excitement and humor is right on par with that of a bass-catching contest.

I long for the days when animated features focused on the audience and their objective was to show both young and old alike a good time. With the recent advances in computer technology, the emphasis has shifted from engaging plot and dialogue to stupendously animated vistas of majesty or gloriously detailed creatures of myth. Though the scenery in Sinbad, like in Treasure Planet and Finding Nemo, is quite breathtaking, the fact remains that there is little else in this staid film to recommend it.

Sinbad (Brad Pitt) is an older, more muscular, and less blonde version of the adventurous Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet. Intent on taking his piratical crew into early retirement in Fiji, Sinbad plans one last magnificent heist: to steal the Book of Peace, a relic vital to the survival of Syracuse. The first fight scene magnificently displays DreamWorks' animated imaginations, as Sinbad and his crew, boarding the ship of his former friend, Prince Proteus (Joseph Fiennes), put on a Matrix-esque display of martial arts and swordplay. Things turn silly, though, with the arrival of one of the movie's many monsters, with Proteus and Sinbad cobbling together a farfetched plan of action that takes it out of commission.

Following Sinbad's failed attempt to rob Proteus, he is contacted by Eris (Michelle Pfeiffer), the schizophrenic goddess of chaos. Eris is the best part of this film. She's cool: exotic but creepy and not so much evil as bored with the all too organized lives of petty humans. Eris hires Sinbad to steal the Book of Peace from Proteus, but when Sinbad fails to follow through, she takes it for herself and frames him for the job. Unless Sinbad can get the Book back from Eris' lair within 10 days, Proteus will be executed in his place. Epic quest ensues.

Much like The Odyssey, upon which many of Sinbad's exploits are based, Sinbad falls into a mind-dulling pattern. Sinbad meets monster, Sinbad vanquishes monster. Sinbad meets pretty girl, Sinbad vanquishes pretty girl. It's all the same after awhile, with each escape growing more and more ridiculous until even the excuse of animation is not enough to justify the lack of believability.

Additionally, little spark or wit manages to penetrate the script of Sinbad. Sinbad himself is supposed to be the funny guy, but he's mostly given over to the occasional hackneyed one-liner. For example, when he's about to go after the first sea monster, he yells, "Standby for sushi!" What this movie is in need of is an animated caricature of Robin Williams or Eddie Murphy to spice up the dialogue instead of leaving it in Brad Pitt's clunky hands. Mooshu and the Genie were the best parts of Mulan and Aladdin, respectively, precisely because they didn't hold back the way Sinbad seems determined to do. Unfettered by the physical restrictions of reality, Murphy and Williams were able to let their comic geniuses and their characters explode, whereas Sinbad prefers sulking to bantering.

At least the vocal renditions of Phil Collins are absent from this film. Instead, the sweeping orchestral arrangements of Harry Gregson-Williams are on display. The score, though repetitive, is actually quite beautiful. Especially wonderful is the Siren's Song, when, like Odysseus', Sinbad's crew falls prey to the musical enchantresses.

Though stunning visually and pleasing audibly, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas proves disappointing script-wise and unappealing to one's sense of intelligence. Let it be known that pirate stories are, for now, all washed up.

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas is rated PG for animated action, some mild sensuality, and brief language.