Stand-up comedy by Stephen Wertheim
The key question I've long pondered is this: Are criminals careful to use proper manners during prison meals? You've already killed someone, violating society's biggest rule, so I assume you just abandon all the smaller ones. I don't know; that's why I've been pondering it. I'm sure I'm completely wrong. I'm sure they all sit down for supper:
"Excuse me, Murder One, may I bother you to pass the gruel?"
"Absolutely, Grand Larceny. Have you the salt?"
"Let me get that for you."
"Oh, it's not for me. It's for First-Degree Arson."
First-Degree Arson, of course, says thank you.
"Happy to help," Grand Larceny replies.
Suddenly somebody spills his water.
"I'm terribly sorry!"
"We'll help you mop it up, Involuntary Manslaughter."
"Thanks, guys."
"We know you didn't mean it."
Stephen Wertheim. Co-editor-in-chief Stephen Wertheim is deeply committed to reporting, even when it conflicts with such essential life activities as food consumption, sleep and viewership of Seinfeld reruns. In addition to getting carried away with writing and playing violin, Stephen thoroughly enjoys visiting and photographing spots around … More »
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