Paula Abdul Scandal: What a farce

I am not a highbrow person when it comes to my television watching. I would much rather watch "World's Fattest Goldfish 10" (it's 17 pounds!) than some intellectual garbage like "Meet The Press" or "Wheel of Fortune." So it was my delight last week when ABC, continuing their path of not reporting any real news, devoted their "PrimeTime Live" show solely to the allegations that a former contestant on Fox's "American Idol" was romantically linked with Paula Abdul. What a country!

John Quinones hosted the "Live" special, which consisted of entirely a taped interview. Funny how that worked out. Anyway, Quinones—the "journalist"—narrated the piece as if he were talking about a bombshell political accusation. Either that, or like someone actually cared.

I mean, other than me. Actually, the expose worked okay for ABC, and "Live" won its timeslot on Wednesday with 13.5 million viewers. Normally, "Live" does just about as well as "Elimidate" and "Sister/Sister" reruns.

The piece, titled "Fallen Idol," focuses on former "Idol" contestant Corey Clark, who was portrayed in the story as an innocent boy, manipulated by Abdul and the system. You got the feeling that he got kicked off "Idol" because he was sleeping with her.

Actually, he got booted because he tried to cover up to producers that he was due in Davidson (Tenn.) County Court because he was arrested for assaulting his sister. Classy.

The only thing that gave me pause that he wasn't a total whack job (because he is a whack job) is that ABC showed phone records of Abdul and his calls, and a prescription that Abdul allegedly got for Clark. What I want to know about the prescription is…who keeps an empty bottle of cough medicine for two years?
     
Besides a guy who may have gotten busy with Paula Abdul and now needs some money.

If there is any credence to his allegations, Clark sure isn't helping himself by being a media hog. Although it's become painfully obvious at this point that Clark is an incessant attention freak, having come out again in the last couple days to lament over and how he she broke his heart.

Aww, poor baby. I'm sure if you asked him, Clark would say some hush money would make him feel better.

Or, if you bought his yet-to-be-titled album, with the lead single "Paula-tics" (get it? GET IT?!). Only problem with that is that he's a really awful singer. I mean, just horrendous. In every clip ABC ran of him in the recording studio, Clark was off-key, and sounded like I do in the shower when I sing the chorus to a Ludacris song. It's far from harmonic.

And that's actually the only thing that gives me pause that "Idol" could have been greasing the wires to keep Clark on the show as long as possible. He was really, really bad. And in his file photo, where he has a light blue turtleneck and matching ski cap on, he looks like the Blue Meanie from the "Yellow Submarine" video.

And really, even if Clark's allegations are true…who cares? Abdul's alleged transgressions are no worse than appearing in a song with an animated cat (MC Scat Kat, to be specific). "Idol's" ratings are up even more since the ABC piece, and it's Fox's number one program. I don't think this is America's biggest news story.

Paula Abdul will have to be a runaway bride if she wants to be that.