Outward opening doors: an essential aspect of Blair

Editor's note: Though it deals with a serious topic, this article was written as humor, and should not be taken too seriously.

Still holding my nose, I flush the toilet and exit the stall. But after I wash my hands and head for the door of the restroom, I face a dilemma.

The door to the bathroom opens inwards. If I were to open the door with the handle, my hands would have to be washed once again, but if I used a paper towel to open the door, I would be forced to carry it out with me and find a trash can, which would be awkward. So, in light of this problem, I resort to waiting until some other chap feels the need to use the restroom and opens the door from the outside.

It is obvious that outward-opening doors currently in place are critical to the school. However, all doors especially bathroom doors, should be outward opening. Not only for hygienic reasons, such as avoiding the flesh-eating bacteria that engulf the door handle in the bathroom, but for procedural and safety reasons as well.

Consider that a class has ended but the bell has not yet rung. Students often crowd the door in anticipation of leaving the classroom as soon as is humanly possible. If the door is outward opening, the evacuation of the room proceeds smoothly and efficiently. However, if the door opens inward, students are crushed against the door by the hostile students behind. To make any progress at all, everyone must step back and open the door in an orderly fashion, which seldom occurs at Blair. In addition, if there were a fire, the doors should open outwards to allow the students to exit the room quickly and safely. Blair doesn't need any charred students.

One common problem here at Blair is the frequent use of the always-entertaining stink bomb. It is a wonder how these stink bombs cause such a stir in the hallways, yet leave the classrooms relatively unaffected. I believe there is an easy explanation for this phenomenon: outward opening doors.

You see, when the doors open outward, the smell is blown back, while the inward opening doors allow the foul smell to be pulled into the classroom, to the displeasure of the students. Since classes do use outward opening doors, classes are able to be taught as usual, rather than be distracted by the repulsive odor of stink bombs.

Overall, the very message that is portrayed by outward opening doors represents Blair in its entirety. These doors portray Blair reaching out to welcome all of the students in the school, embracing every student for their individuality and diversity. These doors also show that the class is not contained solely within the classroom, proving that education can be applied, not only in school, but in life as well. Arguing against the outward opening doors is arguing against the very principles upon which this great school was founded.

In conclusion, these doors are beneficial for hygienic purposes, procedure and safety, odor, and the principles of the school. Anyone who truly cares about the school should realize that outward opening doors are far superior. Therefore, outward opening doors must be preserved in all classrooms, and installed in all bathrooms.