NFL Week Seventeen predictions

When we started NFL picks this season, Pia was the underdog. Now, the rest of us are fighting to get out of last. From the three (lovable?) losers, Abe, Josh and Phil, this is our last set of picks from the past two years. And we finished where we started—the bottom of the barrel. Peace out NFL predictions, it's been real. Happy New Year!

Overall

Last Week

Saturday, December 30, 2006

New York Giants (7-8) at Washington Redskins (5-10)

Josh says: Is Eli Manning a bust? The Redskins will make him so frustrated he'll force Tiki to retire.

Abe says: The 'Skins have a knack for winning games that mean absolutely nothing for them and everything to their opponents. Plus, with no Shockey and a shaky O, the G-Men will struggle. The funny part about this one to me is that if the Giants win, then almost every NFC game means nothing on Sunday. If they lose, every game is of the highest importance. Cooooooool.

Pia says: The Giants are playing for their life while the Redskins are already looking toward another hyped up offseason.

Phil says: Yes. Better draft pick!

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Carolina Panthers (7-8) at New Orleans Saints (10-5)

Josh says: Carolina is pathetic. I don't know how they managed to win last week throwing a grand total of seven passes and only completing four of them. It's just a mystery.

Abe says: Jake Delhomme is back, and this game actually matters to the Panthers, whereas the Saints are already set in the number two spot in the NFC.

Pia says: Drew Brees and the Saints will go marching on! Few could have predicted the team's turnaround after last year's devastating hurricane destroyed the city and the Saint's home stadium.

Phil says: Saints soar into the playoffs.

Cleveland Browns (4-11) at Houston Texans (5-10)

Josh says: Buoyed by their win last week against the Colts, the Texans do what they did last week to the Browns: run the ball.

Abe says: Houston is too happy to have beat a real team to worry about winning this meaningless match.

Pia says: The Texans can end another lackluster season on a happy note. After beating Indianapolis, I'm sure they feel mighty proud of themselves.

Phil says: Honestly who loses to the Browns.

Detroit Lions (2-13) at Dallas Cowboys (9-6)

Josh says: T.O.-T.O. he is a cancer. Hates quarterbacks and has too many answers. He'll make you scream, he'll make you shout. He'll hurt your team and wear your heart out.

Abe says: Marion Barber is a manchild.

Pia says: Tony Romo can put the cherry on top of his amazing season by clinching the still-open NFC East division playoff spot this week. All he needs to do is lead his team to victory over the Lions and then pray for an Eagles loss later in the afternoon.

Phil says: The Cowboys are playing a Lions team that is missing nine starters and has no motivation to win. No contest.

Jacksonville Jaguars (8-7) at Kansas City Chiefs (8-7)

Josh says: The Human Bowling Ball, Mojo, MJD, Maurice Jones-Drew should be Offensive Rookie of the Year.

Abe says: Kansas City is famous for football and barbeque sauce. And the Jags are raw tenderloins ready to be battered and broiled.

Pia says: Jacksonville has a history this season of losing to bad teams (Houston, Buffalo, Washington) and winning against good teams (Indianapolis, Philadelphia, Dallas). As Kansas City doesn't quite fit under the good team category, it looks like a Jacksonville loss and an end to the Jaguars season.

Phil says: Both with everything on the line and we know what the Jags do in big games.

New England Patriots (11-4) at Tennessee Titans (8-7)

Josh says: Sorry Vince, you can't win them all. Tom Brady will teach you a thing or two about winning.

Abe says: The Titans have won six games in a row. No, that's not a typo. But this is: Vinacoaisdnc Youdngs iasd asd beastesrtidgo.

Pia says: If the second half of the season was the only part that counted, the Tennessee Titans would be 7-0. But unfortunately, that 0-5 start can hamper even the most impressive (Y/y)oung quarterback. Yet the Titans will hold on to the chance that with their win and a host of other scenarios, they can become the first team in NFL history to start 0-5 and make the playoffs.

Phil says: Patriots lock up home field advantage.

Oakland Raiders (2-13) at New York Jets (9-6)

Josh says: If the Jets win, they are into the playoffs! Mangina—er, Mangini for Coach of the Year.

Abe says: Leon Washington is a G. Chad Pennington? Not so much. That said, the Raiders are softer than a baby's backside. The Jets will not ruin this scheduling gift.

Pia says: Eric Mangini for coach of the year!

Phil says: The Jets making the playoffs is like Josh getting a scholarship to college: confusing.

Pittsburgh Steelers (7-8) at Cincinnati Bengals (8-7)

Josh says: Cincinnati underperforms every year. I will own you in mini games with them though.

Abe says: I'm just hoping no Bengals get arrested at halftime.

Pia says: I got to stick by my preseason choice for AFC Champion…

Phil says: Ocho-Cinco, the offense and a victory just aren't enough for the postseason.

Seattle Seahawks (8-7) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-11)

Josh says: Tim Rattay? Who are you?

Abe says: The Seahawks are in the playoffs no matter what, which is sad considering the level to which they've stumbled heading into 2007. But the real reason I like Tampa Bay is because of the fact that…OK, I have no idea why I picked them.

Pia says: If Seattle loses this game they should be immediately relieved of their playoff sport.

Phil says: Even with a loss they're in.

St. Louis Rams (7-8) at Minnesota Vikings (6-9)

Josh says: I gotta give it to Steven Jackson, he is the next generation of running back. He's fast, he's strong, and he gets in the endzone.

Abe says: I have renamed this game The Turf Bowl. I know that's not funny, but this is week seventeen and I'm out of material for games this bad.

Pia says: With the NFC sucking so badly, I'm surprised that the 6-9 Vikings are out of playoff contention. Never fear though, the 7-8 Rams still have it going for them. All they need is this win and pigs to fly, and it's on to the Super Bowl.

Phil says: Since there are no post-season implications I'm going to take this opportunity to give a shout out to my man Chester Taylor who helped me clinch the Fantasy Football championship.

Arizona Cardinals (5-10) at San Diego Chargers (13-2)

Josh says: Even with their backups playing, San Diego is better than the Cardinals.

Abe says: Just to mix things up, I think the Chargers should start LT at quarterback, Philip Rivers at WR and Antonio Gates at running back. Oh, and have Keenan McCardell kick extra points.

Pia says: These games are nothing more than practice for the Super Bowl for the Chargers!

Phil says: With home field guaranteed I don't even know if the Chargers will play their starters.

Atlanta Falcons (7-8) at Philadelphia Eagles (9-6)

Josh says: You think you know but you have no idea. This is the diary of Jeff Garcia's sexuality. Even though that remains undecided, he is playing amazing on the field, and the Eagles just keep on winning.

Abe says: Philly is just plain silly.

Pia says: Donovan who? Eagles fans might just have forgotten about their beloved injured quarterback with backup Jeff Garcia carrying them to a playoff spot and possible division champion title.

Phil says: The Falcons win but still miss a playoff spot.

Buffalo Bills (7-8) at Baltimore Ravens (12-3)

Josh says: Just because they're at home.

Abe says: In the words of Destiny's Child, "Can you pay my Bills? Can you pay my telephone Bills? Do you pay my automo' Bills? If you did then maybe we could chill. I don't think you do. Sooo, you and me are through…"

Pia says: It's been a nice turnaround for last year's 6-10 Baltimore. With a playoff spot secured and a first-round bye and home-field advantage within reach, this game still has plenty of meaning for the Ravens.

Phil says: The Ravens end on a high note.

Miami Dolphins (6-9) at Indianapolis Colts (11-4)

Josh says: All the announcers are frying Indy because they can't stop the run, but they were my preseason Super Bowl pick, so I have to root for them.

Abe says: Cleo is a Lemon.

Pia says: What? It's the end of the season, I'm bored and it's not that improbable…

Phil says: They win on Sunday and then lose in the first round.

San Francisco 49ers (6-9) at Denver Broncos (9-6)

Josh says: Jay "I'm not some cut" Cutler will take over and lead the Broncs to victory.

Abe says: Now that he's in town, the Broncos ought to have Allen Iverson take a few reps at tailback. The guy could go for 150 yards and a TD behind that O-line.

Pia says: Denver looked like a Super Bowl contender early in the season before entering a four-game slump that almost took away their chances of getting into the playoffs. Yet they seem to have pulled out of the slump with wins the last two weeks and are looking to clinch the wildcard spot with a win this week.

Phil says: The Broncos snag one of the last spots.

Green Bay Packers (7-8) at Chicago Bears (13-2)

Josh says: I have looked into my crystal ball and this is what I have seen: the Bears will win, but they will come from behind, after Rex Grossman has been benched for Brian Griese. This will stir up quarterback controversy just in time for the Bears' first playoff game in two weeks. Happy choosings Lovie!

Abe says: I ain't stupid.

Pia says: If Brett Favre wins Sunday night and takes the Packers to the playoffs that would be unbelievably amazing. I'll be rooting for him, yet I don't have quite enough faith to pick the Packers to win.

Phil says: Not even Rex could screw this one up.