NFL Week Fourteen predictions

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening, in the lane, snow is glistening, a beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland...Happy Snow Day! On an unrelated note, we make all of our picks without consulting one other so that we uphold the highest standards of integrity (and also so that we can brag about it when we have the best record), but amazingly, this week, Josh, Abe and I all picked exactly the same...how weird is that?

NFL Weekly Picks

Photo: From left to right: Josh, Abe, Phil and Pratik.

From left to right: Josh, Abe, Phil and Pratik. Photo courtesy of Zoe Norvell.

Last Week

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Chicago (9-3) at Pittsburgh (7-5) – 1:00 p.m.

Pratik says: Wow. Don't the Bears remind you of the 2000 Ravens? They're going to get to the Super Bowl by playing ridiculous defense. Their offense on the other hand...well, let's just say that when your kicker is your most lethal offensive weapon, there's something wrong. Pittsburgh's season has been going downhill ever since Ben Roethlisberger got hurt. He just hasn't looked the same since coming back.

Abe says: I'm still confused as to how Ben Roethlisberger can throw a spiral while wearing a glove. Oh wait, he can't. The Bears' defense is rolling right now, while the Steelers are reeling. Kyle Orton is a beast, holla.

Josh says: The Steelers have been struggling lately, and the Bears have been sizzling. The Bears' defense wins another one.

Cleveland (4-8) at Cincinnati (9-3) - 1:00 p.m.

Pratik says: The only reason to watch this game would be to see Chad Johnson's newest touchdown dance.

Abe says: Seven simple letters: B-L-O-W-O-U-T. Chad Johnson serves up another of his finest touchdown celebrations in this one and Rudi J gets it going on the ground.

Josh says: I hate the Browns. Maybe if they ever get to Cincinnati's level some people will jump on their bandwagon. Right now the Bengals' bandwagon is the hot thing to be riding, and I've got a seat.

Houston (1-11) at Tennessee (3-9) - 1:00 p.m.

Pratik says: Houston is not going to give away Reggie Bush by doing something as stupid as winning.

Abe says: I was tempted to make my pick "Neither," but couldn't give up another game in the standings. Why Tennessee? Because Houston is playing for the Reggie Bush lottery.

Josh says: Since the Texans can't score a touchdown to save their lives I guess I'll go with the team that can score touchdowns. I dub their team the Houston "Easy To Mess With" Texans.

Indianapolis (12-0) at Jacksonville (9-3) - 1:00 p.m.

Pratik says: Indy's about to go through a real tough three game stretch where they play against the Jags, the Chargers and the Seahawks before wrapping up against the lowly Cardinals. If they do go 16-0, I really think that it will be one of the most impressive accomplishments in the history of sports. In any best of five series against the Colts with all of their starters playing, I don't think any team can beat them. In a one game showdown, anything can happen, but frankly, the Jags aren't going to be able to keep up with the Colts.

Abe says: I was tempted to pick the Jaguars this week, even without their starting quarterback, simply based on their ferocious defense. But Indy is too explosive and too focused to drop one to the Jags.

Josh says: The 1972 Dolphins need to be scared - very scared. The Colts are inching closer to that perfect season, one week at a time. This week shouldn't be too big of a problem.

New England (7-5) at Buffalo (4-8) - 1:00 p.m.

Pratik says: It's no secret that I don't harbor much love for the Patriots and their "Golden Boy" quarterback Tom Brady, but I must say that Brady is simply a winner. He is accurate with the ball, has deceptively good arm strength and most surprising, he's quite athletic as well. Buffalo has dropped almost completely off the football map and they just need to get to the offseason.

Abe says: Someone should tell the Bills scoreboard operator to show a live feed of the Colts game, because honestly no one in attendance in Buffalo will be interested in this one.

Josh says: I can't pick against the Golden Boy after he was just named SI Sportsman of the Year. Three Super Bowls in four years! The man deserves it, and the Pats deserve this game.

Oakland (4-8) at New York Jets (2-10) - 1:00 p.m.

Pratik says: If New York wins they're out of the Reggie Bush Sweepstakes. So they're not gonna win.

Abe says: Kerry Collins is so incredibly bad that he couldn't even put up decent stats with Randy Moss and Jerry Porter as his targets, and even with a healthy LaMont Jordan in the backfield. Collins will be benched this week, for the good of both the Raiders and my fantasy team.

Josh says: The Jets are horrendous. They lose yards like Phil loses money.

St. Louis (5-7) at Minnesota (7-5) - 4:05 p.m.

Pratik says: Brad Johnson has to be doing some kind of voodoo magic or something. How the heck does he throw a 60-yard rainbow through the air and nail his receiver perfectly for an 80-yard touchdown? How is he winning? And where the heck do I sign up for the Brad Johnson eight-step program on becoming a Super Bowl winning quarterback? It just doesn't make any sense...

Abe says: If you don't know already, Brad Johnson is a beast. The end.

Josh says: Brad "The Fad" Johnson... Brad "The Fad" Johnson...Brad "The Fad" Johnson... Brad "The Fad" Johnson...

Tampa Bay (8-4) at Carolina (9-3) - 4:05 p.m.

Pratik says: Tampa Bay needs to start losing so that the 'Skins have a chance for the playoffs. So they will.

Abe says: Carolina is one of the hottest teams in the league, and Steve Smith showed last week that he knows how to catch touchdowns and change diapers.

Josh says: Riding their win over the Falcons, the Panthers beat a good Bucs team. The Bucs wake up to reality this week against a real offense.

New York Giants (8-4) at Philadelphia (5-7) - 4:05 p.m.

Pratik says: Philadelphia is getting beat down on worse than a pair of bongo drums.

Abe says: Donovan McNabb. Terrell Owens. Lito Sheppard. Brian Westbrook. If the Eagles lose another key player for the season due to injury, Josh, Pratik, Phil and I might have to suit up.

Josh says: Last week's performance against Seattle wasn't quite good enough to convince me to pick them against the division leader.

San Francisco (2-10) at Seattle (10-2) - 1:00 p.m.

Pratik says: If the 49ers win, they'll lose out on any chance at the Reggie Bush Sweepstakes. So they'll obviously lose.

Abe says: Last time these teams met, the Seahawks sneaked past the Niners 27-25, but this time it will be way different. Seattle pounded the Eagles Monday night, and the pounding should continue against San Fran.

Josh says: What a no-brainer. The 49ers should play USC to see how wide the gap is between college and the NFL. I'll take USC.

Washington (6-6) at Arizona (4-8) - 4:05 p.m.

Pratik says: Operating on the theory that Arizona can only beat San Francisco, I'm going to pick Washington in this one. Also, if Kurt "Koncussion" Warner is your starting quarterback, you know you've got a lot of problems. In other news, Warner has the most passing yards for any quarterback over the past five weeks. I guess that's what happens when you have no running game, eh? I dare you to name the Cardinals running back. Give up? Remember how high Dennis Green was on J.J. Arrington's potential. Well...we'll just say that Arrington has been a bust at running back so far.

Abe says: First of all, I want to put my vote in for Marcus Washington as MVP of the team. The guy is an amazing pass rusher who can drop back into coverage too, and he is the outspoken leader of the unit. That said, the Redskins should win this game easily, improving their chances of backing into a playoff spot. That is, unless Anquan Boldin gets loose in the open field like he did against San Fran last week. (Can somebody please tackle that kid?)

Josh says: Washington has a realistic shot of getting their second win in a row if they just contain the Cards' passing attack.

Baltimore (4-8) at Denver (9-3) - 4:05 p.m.

Pratik says: I'm going to borrow one of Phil's lines for this one: Let's see...if Baltimore somehow pressures Jake Plummer into some costly mistakes and shuts down the Denver running game and Kyle Boller channels the spirit of Peyton Manning and Jamal Lewis remembers how he ran before he was in jail and...nope, they've still got no chance.

Abe says: Mile High Stadium is one of the toughest places to play football, especially when it's cold or snowing. Then again, the weather won't matter in this one, because the Ravens just lost their heart and soul for the season, Ray Lewis.

Josh says: Denver gets back to winning ways this week after losing to Kansas City. Baltimore can't handle the Broncos' offense.

Kansas City (8-4) at Dallas (7-5) - 4:15 p.m.

Pratik says: After a great statement win over Denver last week, Kansas City has taken a step towards their goal of securing a wild card spot in the playoffs. The Cowboys offensive line looked offensive against the Giants defense and if they don't shape up soon, poor Drew Bledsoe's going to end the season in a body cast.

Abe says: Every Drew Bledsoe was absolutely horrific last week. Seriously, he was a mix of awful, sickening and horrendous. The Chiefs won't allow him to turn it around this week either. They are full of hard-hitters and scary defenders like Jared Allen, Derrick Johnson and Eric Warfield.

Josh says: Coming off a very impressive win over Denver, look for the Chiefs to win another close one against a good team.

Miami (5-7) at San Diego (8-4) - 4:15 p.m.

Pratik says: LT LT LT LT LT LT LT LT LT LT. There's ten reasons the Chargers will win right there.

Abe says: San Diego is the best team in the AFC behind the Colts, and the Chargers are already looking ahead to a Week 15 matchup with Indy that could be the end of their undefeated season.

Josh says: LT=MVP. 'Nuff said.

Detroit (4-8) at Green Bay (2-10) - 8:30 p.m.

Pratik says: This is the perfect storm of organized ineptitude. The Lions' atrocious front office somehow decided to re-sign Matt Millen and fire Steve Mariucci even though the Lions have the worst record in the NFL under Matt Millen's reign as GM and Mariucci is a proven, playoff-tested coach. On the other side, we have the Green Bay Packers who enjoy the support of some of the most devoted fans in the whole league, any one of whom could manage the team better than it has been this season. The lack of talent on offense, defense and special teams as well as the mediocre coaching staff is almost singlehandedly trying to prove that there is no parity in the NFL. If USC were to go up against these guys, USC would win. Anyway, I hate to see Brett Favre go out like this, but there comes a point where he simply needs to step aside and let Aaron Rodgers take over. I'm picking Green Bay because I think that Favre will be able to will his team past an equally horrid Lions team. Good luck and Godspeed number four. Thanks for all the memories...

Abe says: In what used to be a classic game, two NFC North teams (and two horrible teams) go at it on Sunday night. But despite the rivalry, this pick is simple. Green Bay doesn't lose at home in December…and the Lions stink.

Josh says: I take Green Bay by default. I guess they have the edge since they're at home. But honestly, who cares about this game?

Monday, December 12, 2005

New Orleans (3-9) at Atlanta (7-5) - 9:00 p.m.

Pratik says: Atlanta also needs to start losing some so that the 'Skins will be able to sneak into the playoffs, but they're not going to lose to the hapless Saints. Oh, the Saints'll march in, but they'll march right out with a loss, and I certainly don't want to be in that number.

Abe says: Atlanta badly needs to get back on track, and who better than the Saints to help them out with that. On a side note, I'm still waiting for the Falcons to get a decent wideout to help Michael Vick out - Alge Crumpler can't be the only deep target.

Josh says: Time for the Falcons to pick it up and get back to running the ball; relying less on Mike Vick's arm and more on his legs. This week should be an easy game for the birds.