Kissing trust goodbye

For a moment in time, junior David Flores' mind went blank; he forgot everything, except his intense attraction to the girl standing in front of him. Staring in her eyes, he was compelled by desire as he kissed her. It wasn't until after he had left her house that it hit him—his girlfriend was back home, and he had just cheated on her. Two years later, Flores looks back at his actions and vows never to cheat again.

Infidelity is not uncommon in teenage relationships, according to psychotherapist Carol O'Brien-Heil.

Infidelity has distressing effects on adults when it occurs with married couples, and Heil claims that cheating harms teenagers as well. According to Heil, the results of unfaithfulness are often devastating, especially to the person who was cheated on, and include severe self-esteem damage, feelings of worthlessness, depression and an inability to move on to another relationship.

Tears on the pillow

Sophomore Xiu Nguyen claims she suffered the symptoms Heil describes when her ex-boyfriend was unfaithful to her. "I cried for like three days straight—literally," she says solemnly of her reaction to her ex-boyfriend's betrayal.

Nguyen's boyfriend of seven months cheated on her with a friend that had been staying with her over spring break last year. "I just wanted to die," she says. "It hurt so much. I'd try to hide my feelings, but when I'd see him and think about what he'd done, I'd just run and start crying."

Junior Anna Murphy underwent a similar experience when her boyfriend of eight months kissed another girl. When a friend informed Murphy of the news, she confronted him. After he denied the rumors, Murphy broke off the relationship. "I couldn't be with him if he was lying to me," she explains.

Soon after, he emailed her to confess the truth. Murphy's initial reaction was relief, since she knew she had not ended the relationship over false rumors. "Then I went through a period when I was intensely furious and loathing. He and I had built this relationship that was so strong, and he kind of just threw it away. After that, I was just pretty sad for a while, and I really missed him."

According to Heil, boys may be prone to cheating because of their tendency to have stronger sexual urges. "It may not be that they don't like their girlfriend—sometimes, they just have a harder time controlling themselves." Heil also cites experimentation as a reason why boys cheat. "They want to try out different things, even if they do care about their current relationship," she says.

Although Flores cheated his freshman year, he vows not to again, and agrees with Heil, claiming that he does not believe boys cheat on their girlfriends to harm them. "You're not trying to hurt them. It just happens."

"She was my first love"

Heil says it is not unusual for women to cheat. She states that infidelity can happen with either partner in a relationship, although it seems more common for men to be unfaithful.

A senior who wishes to remain anonymous remembers the whispered rumors that his girlfriend of two years was cheating on him, gossip that proved to be true when he saw his girlfriend at the mall with another boy. "She was my first love, and I didn't know what to do," the senior says. In addition, he felt hostile toward the boy his girlfriend cheated with. "I wanted to find the guy and do something," he says.

Heil says that the senior's situation is not uncommon, because although girls come to terms with their situation by crying and reflecting with their friends, boys are more inclined to be aggressive and belligerent. "A guy is more likely to go want to get the guy his girlfriend cheated with. Boys are more likely to feel more angry," she explains.

Female infidelity often results from a mixture of things, like low self-esteem, inattention or lack of affection. "It might make [girls] feel more attractive and worthy that a guy is after them," says Heil. According to Heil, cheating can be credited to inexperience with relationships. Infidelity can also be a result of dullness. "You're bored with a relationship, and it's more exciting to cheat," she states. Cheating is especially likely when the relationship is between adolescents who have not fully matured, according to Heil.

Junior Melissa Cruz admits that lack of maturity and irresponsibility were reasons that drove her to cheating. She cheated on her then-boyfriend three different times because she claims she was bored with the relationship. "It was always the same old thing. We just didn't connect," Cruz says. The first two times Cruz cheated, her boyfriend had no idea. But the third time, he found out. "He was like ‘It's over!' At the time, it wasn't that serious. To me, it was funny." Cruz credits this to her immaturity. "I've grown up more now, and I know I wouldn't do it again."