Pirates of the Caribbean is a film you should be seein'

Johnny Depp's entrance is possibly the most brilliant moment in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. He rides the mast of his sinking ship to shore, stepping onto the dock just as his boat gives its final gurgle and goes all the way under. The poise and absolute self-absorbed confidence with which he saunters onto the dock suggests that of a rock star stepping out of a Rolls Royce onto the red carpet; he knows this is his show, and he'll be hung before he lets anyone else at the helm.

Depp, as Captain Jack Sparrow, steers Pirates from start to end. Of course, playing an eccentric, sardonic, probably drunk, possibly insane vengeful ex-captain pirate, he takes his co-stars on massive detours, keeping what would otherwise be a by-the-books-barely-average pirate flick vastly entertaining and most importantly, highly unpredictable. The man was born to be a pirate—he's a buccaneer from the tips of his swaggering toes right down to his mascara-clad eyelids. At one point Sparrow is briefly taken out of commission, and it's the slowest five-minutes of the film. For the most part, though, he's in full prancing force, and it's clear sailing for Pirates of the Caribbean.

Don't expect much historical accuracy when you walk into the theatre—this movie is, after all, based on a Disney theme park ride. However, the deviations from reality are much welcome, as they include the introduction of a strong, independent female character into the very chauvinistic society of the 1700s. Elizabeth Swann, played by Keira Knightley (Bend It Like Beckham), is as central to the story as Sparrow, though she is not quite as interesting or in control of events. The daughter of the governor of a British outpost in the Caribbean, Elizabeth steals what she believes to be a pirate medallion from Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), a young boy taken in on her father's ship when he was found drifting in the ocean. Ten years later, Elizabeth is captured by the nefarious pirates of the ghost ship the Black Pearl, who reveal that the medallion she innocently took is really a cursed piece of Aztec gold that they need to become human again.

See, the pirates, led by Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), are zombies. In the moonlight they appear as disintegrating skeletons. Unable to eat, drink, or participate in other earthly pleasures (they're pirates—I'll leave you to guess what those pleasures are), they are desperate to reverse the curse. This procedure requires them to return all of the cursed gold that they stole from to its original resting place, along with blood from each thief. There's one small snare: They sank one of their number to the bottom of the ocean before they realized that they needed his blood. Believing Elizabeth to be his daughter (she has his gold, after all), they plan on using her blood instead.

These events only set the story in motion. Because despite Will's ironic dislike of pirates—Sparrow reveals quickly enough that he's the pirate's son Barbossa is looking for—he joins forces with Sparrow to hunt down the Black Pearl and save his bonny lass. Sparrow, however, dances to his own personal tune, leaving most of his comrades and enemies scrambling to pick up the beat. Multiple kidnappings, rescues, and loyalty reversals ensue, all carried out in a wild tongue-in-cheek manner.

Director Gore Verbinski (The Ring) strikes just the right note between epic fantasy and satire that makes this film, long though it is, joyous to watch. Pirates refuses to take itself seriously—characters continually find themselves in ridiculous situations that require immediate action on the fly. At one point, Turner and Sparrow's crew is reduced to firing silverware out of their cannons. At another, Sparrow and Elizabeth, marooned on a deserted island, find a cache of rum which, after spending one memorable night getting completely wankered, Elizabeth proceeds to burn to create a signal, much to Sparrow's dismay. The dialogue, too, is quite snappy. An early swordfight between Turner and Sparrow is reminiscent of the famous swordfight of The Princess Bride, with Turner and Sparrow exchanging barbs with their blows. Disarmed, Sparrow pulls out a gun and points it at Turner's head; an outraged Turner sputters, "You cheated!" to which an exasperated Sparrow replies, "Pirate!" in the most "duh" of tones. This type of behavior continues to be a thread throughout their tumultuous relationship.

The characters in Pirates are inviting and varied, though not the most multi-dimensional. Knightley seems to have a knack for playing non-stereotypical women. Much like her character in Bend It Like Beckham, Elizabeth has a propensity towards parental disobedience and gender role-reversal. It's always nice to see a woman really fending for herself instead of just barely holding out until the menfolk arrive. Elizabeth saves her own life through intelligence and quick thinking—she demands a parley with Barbossa upon her capture, and the pirate code forces him to comply. She also refuses to stop fighting long after Sparrow's cowardly crew has given up hope. As if there was any doubt to the feminist turn of Elizabeth's character, she's also positively allergic to corsets, the most hideous fashion torture device of the pre-stiletto era.

Bloom's character doesn't have so much a character arc as a character line, which doesn't require too much of a strain on Bloom's pretty-boy looks and generally handsome demeanor. Still, the chemistry between Bloom and Depp is apparent, with Turner being the butt of most of Sparrow's jokes and the dazed pawn in many of his plans. Surprisingly, only Rush's performance begins to slacken as the movie wears on. The energy just isn't there during one of his pirate pep rallies, and his interactions with Depp seem a tad too low key. However, that might just be because the film is too long. Clocking in at a whopping two hours and 23 minutes, Pirates could afford to lose one or two plot twists. As it is, sometimes it seems like the characters are rushing their lines as they try to speed things along. This, coupled with the ever-present "pirate speak" occasionally makes you want to stand up and shout, "Avast, matey! We can't understand ye!"

But nonetheless, Pirates of the Caribbean is an excellent adventure. Though it requires complete attention in order to understand the numerous plot nuances (and indeed, some of the garbled dialogue), the entire movie crafted so that it all fits splendidly together in the end. From the brilliant swordfights that chime in tune with the score to the dialogue that never misses a beat, Pirates of the Caribbean rings of both careful planning and spontaneity. So buckle your swashes, don your eyepatch, and prepare for a treasure chest of fun. Yar!