New York Minute is a waste of time

For nine years, the only movies the teen superstars Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen made were obnoxious, straight-to-video fluff. Today, the Olsen twins have come out with their newest masterpiece: obnoxious, big-screen-premiering fluff. New York Minute is nothing out of the ordinary for the fashion-loving, boy-worshipping, lip-gloss-obsessing twins. They are presented with a seemingly un-fixable dilemma, but through wise use of beauty products, help from handsome heroes and a little bit of sisterly love, the problem is solved in, well, a New York minute.

This rendition of the Olsen's standard hackneyed plot has Mary-Kate and Ashley playing, ironically, sisters — Roxy and Jane Ryan, respectively. Roxy and Jane are polar opposites in every respect: punk and prep, slacker and overachiever, they can never get along with one another. But with "the most important day of Jane's academic career" on the line at Columbia University and Roxy's favorite bands' video shoot in the city, Jane and Roxy are forced to spend the day together.

Of course, nothing goes as planned. Just as in Getting There, another Olsen disaster, the girls hit every pothole imaginable during their journey through the city. Roxy is simultaneously being chased by Officer Lomax of the Department of Truancy for playing hooky and a Chinese-American mobster because his cohort slipped a microchip into her bag. The stalkers lurk around every corner in the city, forcing Roxy and Jane into almost fantastical situations, including a steep drop from a window washer's perch into dumpsters below and the subsequent half-naked run through the city.

The twins trudge through sewers and make TV appearances at the video shoot only to end up at Big Shirl's House of Bling where they have a dance party with the hairdressers and get new "blingin'" outfits. The scene at Big Shirl's is a sad reminder of the overarching theme of Olsen movies—lots and lots of shots of Mary-Kate and Ashley in skimpy clothes, usually manifested in a poorly executed video montage.

Perhaps the saddest part of New York Minute is the blatant reference to the Olsen empire throughout the film. Street vendors sell shelves of Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. The mob that is after Roxy pirated Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Bob Saget, the twins' childhood father from Full House, even has a cameo. As if their TV shows, Wal-Mart fashion lines and countless videos didn't have enough tweenage girls screaming over them already.

Typical of their films, the saving grace of New York Minute may very well be its Olsen overload. For those in need of a Mary-Kate and Ashley fix, New York Minute provides a hefty dose. Otherwise, the film is devoid of mostly everything. The most entertaining part of the film is laughing at its ridiculousness. You know Hollywood has gone downhill when teenagers race over car tops on bicycles.

Though the twins have had years of practice at their type-cast roles, they still can't seem to get the whole acting thing down. The chase scenes are relentless and ubiquitous. The film is a waste of time, even if it is only a Minute.