Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle disaster

Sequels are often worse than originals, and this movie proves that point quite thoroughly. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle is like a two-hour long Krispy Kreme doughnut – sugar-coated and lacking any real substance. Also, large parts of this movie make no sense whatsoever.

Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, and Lucy Liu all return to play the title characters of Charlie's Angels, the crime-fighting trio from the first movie. Right from the beginning, this movie requires a huge suspension of disbelief. In the opening scenes, we see the three unarmed Angels walk into a heavily guarded Chinese military base posing as stupid tourists, dodge tank shells, and start and board a helicopter as it plummets off a bridge.

After the opening scenes in China, we learn that the Angels were there to rescue a US Marshall who was kidnapped by a gang of grunting Mongolians. Bruce Willis then makes a quick cameo as a Department of Justice official who is snuffed by an assassin. For some unexplained reason, the US government has encoded the real identities and locations of all people in the witness protection program in two rings, worn by Bruce Willis and the US Marshall. The Angels are given the job of retrieving these lists before sinister mobs of Irishmen, Mexicans, and Japanese buy them.

But wait – there's still the big plot twist (which was revealed in the previews)! One of Charlie's older, ex-Angels (Demi Moore) is the one behind this plot! This twist inevitably leads to a climactic fight scene, as well as a lot of bad puns about fallen angels.

There are several glaring problems with this movie. The biggest one is Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle's complete lack of any believability. It goes far beyond the expected mindlessness of an action movie. For example, the Angels are fighting a bad gal in a theater. "Go to hell!" shouts Cameron Diaz, as she kicks down. The baddy flies through the floor into a seething, bottomless pit of fire. Yes, that theater is apparently built directly over an open shaft to Hell.

Here are a few more examples of the kind of unbelievably flawed premises this movie is built on. Wearing a cape gives you the ability to fly. The mob will believe Bernie Mac is an Irish mobster if he says so. Standing ten feet from an exploding car, sitting on an exploding gas tank, and ramming a building at 100 miles per hour in a convertible are all situations that will cause you no harm whatsoever. And yelling, "I'm invincible!" will allow you to walk through fire. At least three times, Cameron Diaz spontaneously breaks out into a coordinated dance routine.

The entire movie was so illogical that at times I found myself wondering if someone had slipped hallucinogens into my popcorn. I just couldn't believe all the crazy things I was seeing were actually there. Another odd part of Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle that verged on disturbing was a weird, psychosexual tension that kept surfacing between Cameron Diaz and Demi Moore. At least twice, they come within inches of kissing, for no apparent reason. The movie (fortunately or not, depending on your point of view) decides not to explore this point further.

Many parents certainly will not be pleased with the overt sexual allusions made repeatedly, like when Cameron Diaz sees her boyfriend's old rooster mascot uniform at his high school reunion. "You were the cock? I was the beaver!" she exclaims. As expected, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle also contains enough shots of the three stars gyrating to satisfy many a teenage boy.

The movie contains a few memorable fights and one-liners, but they are quickly drowned out by the massively overdone special effects and plot holes the size of Texas. If you think this movie sounds like a fun little flick after reading this review, then by all means, go and enjoy. If you think your $7.50 and two hours could be spent in a more worthwhile activity, like poking yourself repeatedly in the eye, then by all means, go ahead. You're not missing much if you choose the second option. Charlie's Angel's: Full Throttle is resounding proof that it takes way more than three half-clad actresses to make a half –decent movie.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle is rated PG – 13 and now playing everywhere