Ask Chips nine: girls back in business

Answers compiled by Allison Elvove and Katherine Zhang

The Devil asks: "Will you sell me your soul?"

Give me a cookie first...Make that a lifetime supply of cookies while you're at it.

Deep Throat asks: "Who am I?"

In the world of Washington politics, you're Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein's secret informant, the guy that helped them expose the Watergate scandal. In the world of The X-Files, you're Mulder's secret informant, who gave him information as he pursued his investigation into the existence of extraterrestrials. Either way, secret is the operative word.

magical mystery tour asks: "which beatle does Silver Chips Online endorse
(dead ones count)?"

Silver Chips Online definitely endorses John Lennon, who, according to our resident Beatles expert Joanna Pinto-Coehlo, was a "super revolutionary" and wrote "all the revolutionary songs." Go John.

LOLERSKATES asks: "If I tell a joke in the forest, and there's no one around to laugh at it, is it a joke?"

Only if you crack yourself up. Or if you find the squirrels rolling on the forest floor crippled by laughter.

Print staffer asks: "Why is print staff so far superior to online staff?"

We're sorry, but Ask Chips cannot accept this as a valid question, mainly
because print staff is by no means superior to online staff...that's a given.

??? asks: "Why did the chicken cross the road? No one has ever given
me a good answer. And don't say 'to get to the other side.'"

Well, the lack of expertise in ornithology among the editors has caused much dissension among the ranks. Finally, we decided to do what we do best: interview people. However, it seems that a Mr. Christopher Norte has beaten us to the punch and has already interviewed the world's top experts on chickens. To avoid the carpal-tunnel that will surely follow from typing up all those expert explanations, we will simply direct you here.

Please keep in mind that none of the answers provided by Mr. Norte's experts are valid for a Silver Chips Online chicken. Silver Chips Online chickens cross the road because they are on deadline and believe wholeheartedly in nullae morae, nullae rationales - no delays, no excuses. Ever.

Annoyingly Random Person asks: "If you were a bubble, where would you pop?”

Vivek says blankly, "What?” He's too tired to understand anything at 8:19 a.m.

Ely says, "A Jay-Z concert.”

Katherine retorts, "Whoever Jay-Z is...I don't listen to that stuff. I would pop at the Kennedy Center and drown in the wonderful bliss of classical music.”

Allison replies, "If I were a little bubble, I'd float away to a place, far, far away. There, I could tease the little purple dragons and golden, polka dotted mushrooms...WHERE I WOULD BE FAR AWAY FROM ELY, VIVEK AND KATHERINE SO I COULD PROTECT MY PRECIOUS PRETZELS!”

John S H. asks: "If you had only $10 (or 8 EUR, or Y1,096, or Rs 458, etc.) to plan a day's adventure, where would you go, what would you do, and who would you take with you?”

Well, somebody didn't feel like writing the John's Hopkins admissions essay...

S.C.O. Yo Yo Yo asks: "SCO, what is your favorite scary movie?”

The Ring...We stayed up all night after that one...And never could look at the TV in the same way again.

msn asks: "why can't I stop snapping my fingers? Do you have any cure?”

Well, it seems that you just have a natural talent for rhythm. Why not take up percussion? Or to indulge in the constant movement of your fingers, please try the violin. Katherine highly recommends it.

Confused eskimo asks: "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a walrus?”

We have no idea. But if you ever got close enough to a walrus to touch it, let alone lick it, then here's a pre-congratulations.

AND NOW GIRL'S ADVICE ON GIRLS:

Tim asks: "How do I know if a girl likes me? and what's a good way to
subtley let a girl know I like her?"

She'll be kind of frazzled, not sure what to say kind of thing. However, there are others who will bat their eyelashes at you and be forward and come out and tell you exactly how they feel. You have to be prepared for both extremes. See the answer below for the answer to the second part of your question.

Anonymous asks: "How do I ask this girl I really like out?"

There's no right or wrong way. Just approach her sometime, when no one else is around, and ask her if she'd like to hang out after school. You can go for the casual approach, and then if the date works out, tell her that you really like her and would like to go out again sometime soon. Definitely make sure to compliment her dress, her hair, and her eyes though. Girls love it.

Tim asks: "What can I do so that I can get the girl of my dreams?"

Wear lots of cologne, compliment the girl…A LOT…wear good-looking clothes, be presentable, drop hints that you like her, smile, be enthusiastic whenever you're in her presence, and above all, be yourself. Before long, you're bound to attract someone.

wonderbread asks: "what is the best bonding activity to do on a girls' night?"

Roasting marshmallows over a pile of sticks in the backyard while camping out in 30-degree weather in a tent and sleeping bag. Then proceeding to tell stories about best and worst dates and gossip about Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp.

Tim asks: "What pickup line would you recommend?"

No pickup line is needed. Just show up with a dozen long-stemmed red roses.