"Employee" misconduct

The wonderful thing about living in the 21th century is the diminished role that stereotypes play in our society. No longer are people judged on the color of their skin or their religion or their gender — or the color of their hair.

Ha! Ha! Except this is a movie review, not a discussion of society's advancements and shortcomings in the past two hundred years. And that's not true, as is demonstrated perfectly by the new movie, "Employee of the Month." This new film certainly does not help to destroy stereotypes — or more specifically, it does not help to dispel the notion that not all blondes are dumb. Thank you, Jessica Simpson.

"Employee of the Month" is the story of slacker Zack Bradley (played by comedian Dane Cook), a box boy at fictional, Costco-like Super Club, and how the arrival of Amy (Simpson), the hot new cashier causes him to strive for bigger, better things. Most specifically, getting into her pants. To achieve this high-and-mighty status, Zack must compete against Super Club golden boy Vince Downey (Dax Shepard), 17-time winner of Employee of the Month, and Downey's sidekick Jorge (Efren Ramirez). Comedic antics wincingly ensue, and usually end with someone getting hit in the crotch.

Sound ridiculous? It is. For one thing, the audience is supposed to accept Zack, a character who is defined by less-than-pure intentions towards Amy, as a well-meaning guy with a history of being the underdog. Sorry, guys, but this movie is no "Dodgeball," and without Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller, it's going nowhere. For another thing, the whole concept is weak. The characters are underdeveloped (even in a movie where the characters require virtually no depth), the plot is utterly idiotic and the actors...well, hopefully for their careers, this isn't their best work.

Not even the comic genius of Dane Cook can save a film where the biggest jokes are Jessica Simpson's huge ears and the fact that the audience is supposed to take her seriously as an intelligent human being. No one in their right mind is going to consider a woman who wears shirts that low cut to have any brains at all. If the shirts don't scream it, then the vacant, glassy, "Maybe someday I'll learn how to act" look in her eyes does. As an audience member, you begin to feel almost sorry for her — she's stuck in a movie where she obviously doesn't have the slightest grasp on a part that requires almost no grasp at all.

There is a chance that the movie could have been redeemed at least a little bit if director Greg Coolidge had let Cook do his thing and be funny. But the script does not even give him the slightest opportunity to let his funny side shine through; it doesn't give good jokes a chance. The script does allow for a multitude of fart and gay jokes, though, something that will probably appeal (along with the promise of Simpson's cleavage) to the multitudes of pre-teen boys in the audience.

"Employee of the Month," like the character of Zack Bradley, does not aspire to become very much. It is content to remain a stupid, slapstick pre-teen pleaser packed with pratfalls and unfunny jokes. The sad thing — the truly pathetically awful thing — is that the film fails to be even that. If anyone laughs while watching this film, it is because they just glanced at their watch and realized that (thank God!) they only have to spend twenty more minutes staring in open-mouthed astonishment at this horror of a film.

"Employee of the Month" (103 minutes) is rated PG-13 for crude and sexual humor and language.